


don't mind my mad behavior

by thejunebugg



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Canon Universe, F/F, Fluff, Jealousy, Light Angst, The Unsinkable Eight (The Wilds)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejunebugg/pseuds/thejunebugg
Summary: If Toni is trying to stay on brand, then by all accounts, she should be the jealous one.But she isn’t.-(the times where Shelby is jealous, and the time she learns why Toni isn’t)
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 23
Kudos: 387





	don't mind my mad behavior

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the song mad behaviour by izzy bizu, shelby could've written this song 
> 
> (rated m to be safe but nothing explicit)

The first time it happens, Shelby doesn’t recognize it.

There had been a few instances of this weird feeling since she stepped on the plane. A weird, fuzzy feeling that starts in her heart and travels deep into her gut: 

When Toni first walked on board, laughing down at her feet at something Martha had said behind her. 

The way they smile at each other, like true best friends. 

When Toni takes a sip after Shelby confidently says _never have I ever had vaginal penetrative intercourse_ , even after the cruel comment she makes about Andrew cheating. 

The way Toni always tugs Martha closer, or laughs at something Fatin says, or leans into Dot as she explains some bizarre survival trick about drinking evaporated piss (“ _if only we had some saran wrap!_ ”). 

Shelby has no clue what this feeling is. She’s never felt it before. She just knows it feels yucky and it only happens because of Toni. 

It’s a steady process of coming to terms with the reality of this feeling, that it’s jealousy. Jealousy looks a certain way and feels a certain way, and this can’t be it. 

So, Shelby doesn’t recognize it - at least, not at first. 

* * *

“It’s not you, just so you know,” Martha promises with a squeeze to Shelby’s arm after Toni storms off with the axe. Then she tilts her head and squints towards the sky. “Well, maybe it is, but it’s not _just_ you,” she amends. 

Shelby breathes a shaky laugh. “Thanks, I guess. It’s sweet how you stand up for her.” 

“She’s worth it,” Martha shrugs, “but it can be a little tiring sometimes.” 

“My daddy always says that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Gotta give yourself time and space to fill back up.” 

Martha’s jaw drops, like she’d never heard anything more profound or emotional - not even from the inspirational Instagram accounts she follows. 

“That’s the smartest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Shelby doubts it, but Martha is just so _cute_ , so pure and sweet, so she knows Martha means it. 

They start working in silence, but Shelby can’t shake the thought of Toni - the wisps of her hair all frizzy, the smudge of the pink "face-paint" on her cheeks, the clench of her jaw. She certainly can’t shake the desire to hear Martha talk about her more, so she casually brings Toni up again. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen her be calm since we got here.”

“She never is,” Martha snorts, “but she’s always been like that. Anger, outbursts.”

_Fire, passion_ , Shelby thinks. 

“Sometimes justified. Sometimes not.” 

That’s enough to get Shelby from curious to intrigued. “How do you mean?” She tries not to let her investment ooze out of her words, tries not to hang on to Martha’s every word like she’s dangling from the edge of a cliff. 

“We’re all products of our circumstances,” Martha muses. “Everyone is at least partially a result of the world they live in, right? Toni’s world hasn’t been kind.” 

It’s so wise and prophetic that Shelby nearly cries. She doesn’t think about how her world hasn’t been particularly kind either, only wonders what Toni's been like to make her so intense. 

She can’t ask, not outwardly, but maybe she can get to the root of it if she skirts around the real questions slyly enough. 

“You two have been friends for a while, yeah?” 

“Like, forever,” Martha says as she peels bark off a long branch. “We’ve been looking out for each other for as long as I can remember.” 

It swells her heart, thinking of young Toni standing up for Martha on the playground or protecting her from bullies. 

“Must not be easy all the time.” 

“Not all the time,” Martha shrugs, “there were some hiccups after her breakup with Regan, adjusting when she moved in, helping her after she got kicked off the basketball team. She'd be okay, and then _boom_. She’s sort of like a volcano.” 

None of that matters, not in Shelby’s brain. All that matters is - 

“Who- who’s Regan?” 

“Her ex-girlfriend,” Martha says casually. 

It’s not like Shelby didn’t guess. There had been little comments here and there, pieces of evidence that connect like dots. It’s not some genius discovery - the girl wears gray camouflage basketball shorts that sag to her knees, for God’s sake. Still, the confirmation that Toni is gay - or at least attracted to girls - is enough to make Shelby squirm. 

And the fact that she has an ex-girlfriend, that’s enough to bring the evil fluttery feeling to her chest. 

“Were they in love?” 

_Idiot_ , Shelby thinks. Who the fuck would ask that? Intrusive, inappropriate, irrelevant. 

Martha doesn’t seem to think so. 

“I think so,” she says, “it was a pretty bad breakup, so the feelings that were there must have warranted it.” 

“Right,” Shelby nods. She has so many more questions. _How long were they together? Does Toni still have feelings for her? Do you think they’re soulmates? And do you know what this feeling is?_

Instead, she asks about Toni living with Martha. She learns that Toni is a foster child, but Martha doesn’t go into the details, just explains that it’s a sad situation.

The whole thing makes the world shift.

There’s a silent promise that Shelby won’t tell anyone what Martha has shared with her. That works for Shelby, because she hopes to bury this whole conversation deep into the depths of her memory and never think about Toni once she’s off this island.

Obviously, that’s not how it goes.

* * *

It was a horrifying experience - the “crash,” the island, the bunker, the aftermath, all of it. There was overwhelming panic and pain and loss, accepting demons while fighting off starvation, exposure, and terror. There is so much to overcome - the trauma of the island, the loneliness and fear of the bunker, and the undeniable sadness from the manipulation and calculation rooted in how all of it was just one big experiment. 

There is no timeline for coping. No one can predict an end date for when they will all come to terms with everything and feel truly healed. It’s a fluid process, all the psychologists say, of once again finding safety and autonomy and happiness. 

Shelby has to deal with all of this, and then something almost worse - appreciation. 

How can she possibly explain that to anyone? That the island was an escape, that she felt happier with that group of whacky girls than she ever had in Texas. That some of those girls left the island with wounds, physical or otherwise, so profound that they might never be truly okay again. How does she explain that she landed on the island with self-loathing and fear and confusion, and left with her soulmate. 

Toni is the love of her life. She learned that pretty early on, and grows more certain of that fact with each passing day. 

The majority of Toni’s life has been pain. She never knew her father, she was continually let down by her mother to the point of losing her entirely, she faced foster families that were abusive in more ways than one, and after everything with Martha…

There’s a certain calmness to Toni now. She’s no longer constantly on the verge of eruption. At first, Shelby assumed she was just too exhausted to be angry anymore. She assumed that Toni had been completely drained by everything that happened, and she wasn’t entirely wrong. Shelby comes to learn that fire and passion, while ever present, manifests itself differently now. Rather than fighting against everything she hates, Toni learned to fight for everything she loves - like Shelby.

Still, Toni’s wounds run deep, and Shelby continues to heal them a little bit more each day. Shelby has battles she still needs to heal from too, but how can she hate the experience that she owes everything to?

(Answer: recognizing that her perceptions of what she underwent do not need to be one and the same. Also, quite a bit of therapy.)

When things slow down, when the legal process becomes smoother and the horrors of it all become a bit hazier, Shelby and Toni rediscover each other in calmness. They learn more of the little things, like their favorite movies from when they were kids and the books in English classes they actually liked to read. Shelby learns that Toni can do a Rubik’s cube in under a minute, Toni learns that Shelby really likes to bake.

They find new things about each other physically as well. Toni maps out the freckles on Shelby’s lower back that no one else has ever seen, and Shelby evokes sounds from Toni’s beautiful mouth that no one has heard before. They rediscover each other in the shower and in the shady parking lot behind the Target, in the bathroom of their favorite coffee shop and the locker room at the local gym. 

The best thing is that they can go on real dates. They can sit across from each other in restaurants, go to the movies, win dumb prizes at the arcade. They can have real, simple fun without the looming fear that they might not survive it. 

There are moments where the dates aren’t so fun, which is almost exclusively when Shelby’s good friend Jealousy finds a way to ruin them.

One night, when Toni insists on treating Shelby to something really great, Jealousy rears her ugly head. 

It’s a sweet, candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant in downtown LA. It’s gorgeous and inexplicably expensive, and they both feel incredibly out of place. But they’re together, so they can giggle about some dumb broth costing $18 dollars before paying and making a swift exit to the nearest In-N-Out. 

When they’re done feeding each other fries and wiping the burger grease of one another’s chins, they go to a gay bar. Toni found some random 18+ bar that gives anyone under 21 a stamp on their wrist.

“We’re almost 21,” Shelby says, “maybe we should just wait until then?” 

Toni pouts and says _okay_ , and then Shelby is agreeing immediately. 

“I get it, by the way,” Toni offers as they walk hand-in-hand to the bar, “are you sure you don’t wanna just go home and watch _Bob’s Burgers_?”

“I know you do. It’s all good, it’ll be fun.” 

“We’ll leave as soon as you want to,” Toni promises, and Shelby falls in love with her all over again. 

Shelby has _never_ been to a gay bar, which isn’t particularly surprising considering her circumstances. Toni, on the other hand, had managed to weasel her way into the one gay bar in her town in Minnesota a couple of times. Every lesbian seems to think it’s some type of right of passage, and maybe it is, but Shelby feels nervous nonetheless. 

There haven’t been many instances of Shelby dipping her toe into the gay community. Accepting herself was one thing, addressing and coping with the internalized homophobia while conquering existential religious-based fear is a whole other. 

But when she walks into the bar, with rainbow lights flickering and queer anthems pounding through the speakers, all she cares about is Toni’s hand on her lower back. 

“We could flirt with strangers and get them to buy us drinks,” Toni offers with a wiggle of her eyebrows. 

“I’d rather be sober,” Shelby yells over the sound of the music. 

Toni laughs against her jaw before kissing it. “Then let’s go get lemonades and dance until we can’t feel our feet.” 

There’s something about it, so understanding and sweet, that it makes Toni even fucking hotter to her. Shelby can’t help but groan and pull Toni flush against her by the hips, kissing from her pulse to her ear.

“I really like you,” Shelby murmurs, as if she hasn’t said much more before. 

“You better,” Toni says after a sharp intake of breath. 

Shelby hums as Toni pulls her towards the bar with a grin. 

She doesn’t notice the 4 different girls who ask to buy her a drink, just smiles at them when she thinks they’re being friendly. Shelby does, however, notice the girl who asks to buy Toni a drink. 

Toni struggles to wave down the bartender, which is when a girl with dark brown hair and darker makeup slides up to her. 

  
“Such a pain, having to get their attention,” she says and inches closer. 

“So true,” Toni exclaims over Ariana Grande’s voice booming through the bar. She had worked random jobs in the service industry long enough to know that it’s not that simple, but Toni replies kindly all the same. 

“Can I get you something?” the girl asks. 

“Oh, uh,” Toni starts. 

“She’s all set, thanks though,” Shelby spits. 

Toni, in fact, is not all set. She’s empty handed, desperately trying to catch the eye of the bartender, and it’s clear that this girl would get her a _real_ drink - not just a lemonade. 

Shelby doesn’t care. 

The girl raises an amused eyebrow. She gives Shelby a judging once over before rolling her eyes and turning back to Toni. Shelby feels it again, that cruel twist in her gut when she’s so angry that she could be sick. It isn’t the first time she’s felt it since the island, but it’s certainly the most prominent - and it still proves to be only because of that small brunette from Minnesota. 

She takes a fuming step forward and Toni has to grab her hand. 

“She’s right, I’m all good. But thank you.” 

The girl nods and is off with a wink, like some type of promise that she’s available if all else fails, and Shelby has half a mind to go after her. Toni’s hand in hers keeps her grounded. Shelby allows herself to be distracted from tracking the stranger’s exit by her girlfriend’s intent gaze.

“As if she wasn’t also waiting for the bartender,” Shelby says like it’s an explanation for her outburst. “Like, what, was buying you a drink gonna magically get his attention?” 

Toni shakes her head, almost indistinguishably. It’s not a response to what Shelby said, more like a reaction to the situation as a whole. True amazement.

Shelby’s inferno manifests differently now too, and Toni isn’t immune to it. She’s actually wholly at its beck and call. 

Toni tugs her down by the neck and kisses her. It’s filthy and wet and hot, but when Toni pulls away to breathe, she leaves one lasting kiss on the blonde’s cheek. 

Shelby figures that Toni must be the only person in the world who can turn making out against a dirty bar into a moment, into something sweet.

Shelby smirks and pushes her towards the dance floor, lemonade long forgotten. 

* * *

Toni isn’t in bed when Shelby wakes up. 

When they were first starting to really get to know each other on the island, Toni recounted how in high school, she could fall asleep at 8pm and wake up at noon the next day. Since then, it takes hours for her to fall asleep, and she’s lucky to get more than four or five hours a night. 

Shelby learned early on that she would always fall asleep before Toni and likely wake up after her, but it isn’t often she wakes up alone in bed. 

They don’t live together, not yet anyway, but they might as well. Toni gets the bottom two drawers and half the closet, her coconut-scented shampoo is in the bathroom and her toothbrush hangs over the sink. The refrigerator has the 2% milk she likes that Shelby would never dare touch, but still buys for Toni anyway. The quilt that Mrs. Blackburn made for her hangs over the couch and an old picture of her and her mom has made its way into Shelby’s photo collage in her room. 

It isn’t theirs, but it might as well be. 

Shelby rolls out of bed, throwing on an old t-shirt and her favorite pajama shorts that made their way onto the floor from the night before. She groggily makes her way into the kitchen, yawning and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. 

“It’s early,” she mumbles when she sees Toni leaning against the counter. 

Toni looks up from her phone with a small smile. “Go back to sleep, baby.” She opens her arms welcomingly when Shelby approaches, immediately wrapping her arms around her waist. 

Shelby _loves_ that. She loves being held, loves the way her hands can comb into Toni’s hair, loves the way Toni kisses her neck and pulls her closer.

“Come with me?” Shelby asks against her jaw. 

“Sure,” Toni whispers, “lemme just have some cereal, I’m starving.” 

Shelby pulls away reluctantly and nods. With Toni’s back to her as she reaches into the cabinet for Fruit Loops, Shelby sees the name pop up on the brunette’s phone.

“Why is Regan texting you?”

Toni turns and places the cereal box on the counter. “Oh, she wanted to check in on me.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think?” Toni snorts. She seems genuinely oblivious to why Shelby might be upset, which only frustrates the blonde further. 

When Shelby doesn’t laugh, Toni clears her throat. “She’s, uh, in town. Well, in California. She’s interviewing for a job up in San Francisco. Said she’d like to come down and catch up, have lunch with us or something?”

“She’s going to fly an hour and a half from San Fran to LAX just to have lunch with you?” 

“With us,” Toni clarifies. “She wants to meet you.” 

There’s a pause. If Regan wants to meet Shelby too, then that means Toni must have talked about her. 

“She does?” Shelby asks, softer this time, as she shifts from one foot to the other. 

“Sweetie,” Toni sighs, pulling Shelby closer by the hem of her t-shirt, “we don’t have to go. Or I can go alone - or not at all. I don’t want to upset you.” 

Shelby swallows the lump in her throat. There’s an echo of that feeling - from the island, at the bar, in a dozen smaller instances since she met Toni - and it’s dark and stormy in the pit of her stomach. Slowly but surely, it starts to become clearer and clearer. 

“I,” Shelby says slowly, “love you very much.” 

Toni throws her head back laughing. It’s the loud and boisterous kind that only Shelby can elicit, the kind that bounces off the walls and sings a melody in everyone’s ears. 

“I love you very much also. I’ll just tell her we’re busy and -” 

“No.”

“No?” 

“No. Let’s go. It’ll be totally fine. I’m being dramatic anyway. Let’s do it.” 

“Are you sure?” Toni raises an eyebrow. “You know I don’t want to do anything that’s gonna make you unhappy.” 

Shelby knows that, and it’s for that exact reason that she agrees to go. Regan or not, it’s what Toni deserves from her. 

\- - - 

Lunch does not go well, not in the beginning. 

Shelby is cold and practically refuses to engage with Regan, which doesn’t seem to get under the other girl’s skin at all - and that’s _worse_. It’d be better if Regan bit back; if she matched Shelby’s clearly forced, tight-lipped smile with one of her own; if she made it clear that the sharpness of Shelby’s short, single word contributions to the conversation stung somewhat. 

But she doesn’t, not in the slightest. Regan is compassionate and outgoing. There’s an indisputable authenticity to her charm, which only serves to remind Shelby of how hard she used to have to work to fake her own. Her smile always reaches her eyes, and the smiles she prompts from Toni are unique. 

Shelby hates it. 

She also hates that Toni proves as perfect as ever. She keeps a comforting hand on Shelby’s thigh the whole time, smiles at her when she recounts stories from the past couple years, even kisses her cheek from time to time. It’s little reminders over and over that Toni is _her_ girlfriend. Toni loves _her_. 

When Toni has to excuse herself to take a call from Mrs. Blackburn, Shelby almost tries to find a reason to leave the table as well, but Toni gives her a pleading look that keeps her ass planted firmly in her seat. 

There are a few awkward beats where Regan looks at her and Shelby looks anywhere but. Eventually, Regan chooses to break the silence. 

“Hey, I really appreciate you guys meeting up with me today.”

“Happy to.”

“It doesn’t seem like you are,” Regan chuckles, “but that’s okay. I get it. If my girlfriend’s ex was going out of the way to see her, it would rub me the wrong way, too.” 

Shelby shifts nervously in her seat, finally allowing herself to look Regan in the eye. 

“You know,” Regan continues, “when I first got in touch with her, after everything that happened to you guys, I couldn’t stop apologizing. I felt so sad for her.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Shelby says, and part of her wants it to be cold, but it comes out reassuring. 

“It felt like it was,” Regan says. “It was selfish of me to even think I played some hand in what happened, like I could have had that type of impact. But all I could think of was how Toni probably wouldn’t have gone if we were still together.” 

Shelby does _not_ like where this conversation is going, especially because Regan is likely right. If she and Toni were together at the time, there’s no way Toni would have wanted to leave. That means that Martha probably wouldn’t have gone either, and then she would still be okay. 

“You know what she said to me when I told her that?” 

“No, and I don’t think I want to,” Shelby almost laughs. 

“Are you sure?” 

“No.” 

Regan laughs and it’s frustratingly cute. “She said she had one very good reason to be glad she got on that plane in the first place.” 

Shelby knew that Toni must have been suffering from an equal sense of guilt. There aren’t words to describe the damages and the misery of it all, but there were plenty of words to describe the love they found in each other. Toni has to deal with the guilt of gratefulness more than Shelby does. Getting that confirmation is enough to replace the evil feeling of jealousy with the evil feeling of sorrow. 

“Fuck, Regan, I’m sorry. I’m such an asshole.” 

“It’s okay. Seriously, I get it. I mean, not actually, but I think I understand where you’re coming from - you know, with me. Toni and I dated in high school, which was a long time ago. But even if I wanted her back, all I’d need to do is take one look at the two of you together to know that it’d be a lost fucking cause.” 

She doesn’t realize she’s crying until the tears reach the corner of her lips. Shelby wipes them away furiously and again looks anywhere but at Regan. 

“So, Toni told me you’re really loving your job these days.” 

Shelby laughs shakily, because Regan’s attempt at a segue is anything but smooth. She can see it for what it is: an escape from the heightened emotions of the previous moment. 

“Um, yeah, I just got promoted to be the director of programming for the at-risk youth center I work at. It’s really cool.” 

By the time Toni returns to the table, Shelby and Regan are all smiles and casual conversation. She doesn’t say a word to disrupt it, just lays her arm over the back of Shelby’s chair like it’s the only place it belongs.

\- - - 

The car ride home is quiet aside from the lull of the radio, but Toni let’s Shelby hold one of her hands in her lap, so she can’t be _too_ upset with how she behaved. 

When they enter Shelby’s apartment, Toni kicks off her vans. “Seems like it wasn’t so bad by the end?” 

“I was terrible to her, Toni,” Shelby doesn’t hesitate to exclaim her reply. “I didn’t even give her a chance. And you just let me sit there and be all mean to her!” 

“Uh… my bad?” 

“No,” Shelby whines, “not your bad. It was entirely my bad, I was being a real b-i-t-c-h.” 

Toni raises her eyebrows familiarly and breathes out a short laugh. Sometimes whispers of Shelby’s past creep through the shadows, like spelling out words for emphasis or her visceral aversion to curse words.

She drags Shelby to the couch, allowing the taller girl to immediately throw her legs over Toni’s lap and hug around her shoulders. 

“I know it was weird,” Toni whispers, “but thank you for going with me.” 

“Don’t thank me, I was an ass. It took me until we were getting the check to learn that she’s actually really cool.”

“Did she say something, while I was on the phone?” 

“Yes.” 

“Something that helped?” Clearly Toni noticed Shelby’s drastic mood improvement when she returned to the table.

“Yes,” Shelby smiles. 

“Good, I’m glad. I - I appreciate that you were trying to get along with her at the end. I know it was awkward, but she was a really important person in my life. And she still is.” Toni takes a deep breath as she blinks to try to keep her tears at bay. “Aside from Mrs. Blackburn, she’s all I really have left of... what my life used to be, you know?” 

She doesn’t have to say it, because Shelby understands. Regan is one of only two people who can connect Toni to the life she had before, to the life with Martha. 

“You don’t have to appreciate that of me. It’s the right thing for me to do, as your girlfriend. She matters to you, and that matters to me. And I promise to try to be friendly with her and to not be so...” Shelby finishes her sentence with a mumble. 

“Be so what now?” 

“Jealous,” Shelby murmurs. 

“Sorry, didn’t quite catch that?” Toni teases. “Did you say gel polish? Like a manicure?”

“Jealous,” Shelby yells, and they fall into each other laughing. They take a few moments to just look at each other, sharing a few innocent kisses. 

“For what it’s worth,” Toni says after a while, “you being jealous? Dumb hot.” 

“Um, it’s dumb unhealthy is what it is.” 

“If it’s too much, then definitely. A lot of jealousy? Toxic. A little bit of jealousy here and there? Stupid sexy.” 

“You’re stupid stupid,” Shelby groans. “ _And_ stupid sexy.” 

“You think so?” Toni asks smugly.

“Mhm.”

“Prove it.” 

So Shelby does.

* * *

Fatin has made good use of her settlement money. 

Well, it depends who you ask. 

If you ask Fatin, she’s made good use of her settlement money. If you ask anyone else, they’d likely say she’s made some questionable purchases thus far. For example, the whole ass speedboat that just floats in one of - just _one_ of - her pools. Why is that there? Who needs that? Also, who needs two pools?

So, the better way to phrase it is: Fatin has made use of her settlement money.

Fatin has always been used to a certain lifestyle, so it’s not entirely surprising. It’s still a stark contrast to what Shelby is used to - not that she didn’t live a safe, dare someone say _cushy_ , lifestyle when she was growing up. But she and Toni officially moved in together just under a year ago, and Toni wouldn’t know lavish or self-indulgence if it bit her in the ass. 

To this day, the only thing she treats herself to is that damn bag of Takis and a bottle of Gatorade. 

Toni has always been used to a certain lifestyle, too, and anything more makes her feel a bit uncomfortable. That said, anything less would be a cardboard box beneath an underpass with cockroaches for roommates. 

So, she and Shelby meet in the middle. It’s a nice townhouse, but very reasonably priced (at least by Los Angeles standards). It’s a nice car, but it’s pre-owned and they share it. They don’t shop at any of the organic markets like Shelby was used to in Texas because it all tastes weird to Toni, but Toni will go out of her way to shop for Shelby’s preferred healthy food from affordable supermarkets. The furniture and artwork are from local vendors, because supporting locals can keep families afloat. 

Toni, on track to become an architect, promises to build Shelby her dream farm house in Wyoming (Shelby doesn’t want to go back to Texas and Toni doesn’t want to go back to Minnesota. Neither of them want to stay in California forever, and they both want to be surrounded by big mountains. Wyoming feels perfect). Shelby figures that Toni is saving all of her indulgence for that. 

All the same, Shelby and Toni are reminded of what they _could_ have if they were to spend a big chunk of their settlement money: a mansion in Hollywood Hills where just one of the bathrooms is bigger than the entire first floor of their townhouse. 

Fatin’s birthday party is a fully catered event. It’s absolutely packed, few people are wearing more than their bathing suits, and apparently there are some famous people from the new video app that’s sweeping the nation. 

None of that matters to Shelby, all that matters is that all the girls are going to be back together again.

(Well, all the girls who can be.)

They make a point to see each other a few times a year, aside from those of them who live in the same area. Even then, it’s not often that they can just hang out. They’re all off doing different things, living different lives. There will be an unshakable sadness when they part ways once more. Shelby doesn’t want to focus on that, though. 

When Toni whispers, “time to fucking party” with a squeeze to her hip and a promise to get them drinks, Shelby knows that won’t be too much of a problem. 

\- - - 

This guy has been talking her ear off for fifteen minutes now. It’s actually not a bad conversation at all. He’s funny in a silly kind of way, and his work is interesting, so Shelby doesn’t really mind chatting with him. It’s just that there are better things she could be doing right now, like hearing about Dot’s boyfriend in Maine or Rachel’s new coaching job for the diving team at a high school in New York. 

Or kissing her very cute girlfriend.

Instead, she’s listening to Stan - Ted? Lucas? Doesn’t matter. She’s listening to him talk about his thesis on the intersection of sex work and toxic masculinity when she finally catches Toni’s eye. 

_This is it_ , Shelby thinks with a smirk. Toni will notice this guy hitting on her and storm over with the fury of a thousand suns or some shit to claim Shelby as her own. Shelby is itching, winking at Toni and nudging her head a bit to indicate _come over here_. 

All Toni does is smile, wink back, and turn back to Leah. 

What the fuck? 

“God,” Shelby mutters under her breath. 

“Everything okay?” 

“Real good,” Shelby says through a clenched smile. It’s ten minutes later when Toni finally makes her way over.

She sidles up to Shelby quickly but casually, whispering “hi” in her ear before introducing herself to the random man who’s been talking Shelby’s ear off. 

“Nice to meet you,” he replies, “I’m Michael.” 

Ah, Michael is his name. 

“How do you know Fatin?” Toni asks. 

“We had a few years overlap at UCLA. How about you?”

“Oh, we were on the island with her.” 

His eyes widen comically and flit between Shelby and Toni. “Oh my god, you guys are part of the Unsinkable Eight?” 

Shelby and Toni both wince, because as it turns out, they weren’t all that unsinkable.

“Yeah,” Toni chuckles. 

“Now we live in a townhome out in Valley Village. Where did you say you were living again?” 

“Uh, I didn’t.” It’s then that Michael understands. He registers the casual arm Toni has around Shelby’s waist, the way they lean into each other. 

They chat amicably for a few more minutes before Michael excuses himself awkwardly, realizing that any pursuit of Shelby is a lost cause. 

“Nice guy,” Toni comments as he walks away. She takes Shelby’s wrist and pulls the hand that’s holding her drink to her own lips. “What?” the brunette asks when she notices Shelby’s incredulous stare. 

“That guy was flirting with me,” Shelby states. 

“Yeah,” Toni drawls, “I figured as much.” 

“And you’re okay with that?” 

“Uh, is that a trick question?” 

Shelby’s sigh is equal parts amazed and exasperated. “You’re not at all bothered that there are people at this party who want to fuck me?” 

“Shelby,” Toni laughs, “you’re the most beautiful person in the world. I would be surprised if there was a single person at this party who _didn’t_ want you.” 

“You’re sweet, and I love you, but that doesn’t answer my question.” 

Toni’s shrug is dramatic. “I mean, shit, of course I don’t love the idea, but I trust you.” Then she pulls away slightly and blinks sadly. “Should I... not trust you?”

“What?” Shelby splutters.

“Do you want to fuck other people?”

“What? Toni, no, of course not.” Toni exhales shakily and Shelby quickly grabs her hands. “Of course I don’t, baby. It’s just you, it will always only be just you.”

Toni nuzzles into her neck and Shelby can feel the sigh of relief against her skin. “I’m sorry I made you think that for even a second. Sometimes I expect you to get jealous, and you just... don’t.” 

Toni pulls away with a smirk. “Aren’t they the ones who should be jealous of me?” 

Shelby’s laugh echoes through Fatin’s obnoxiously big and unnecessarily complicated house. “Yes, Toni. They should be very jealous of you.”

“Just me?” 

It’s an innocent question, and it almost doesn’t make sense. In fact, the whole situation makes no sense. They’ve been for so long, they live together, they just applied to rescue a dog together. All the same, they find comfort in the reassurance of their feelings. Toni still searches for the assurance that she’s loved. 

And Shelby always gives it to her. 

“Just you.”

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me at https://the-junebugg.tumblr.com  
> <3


End file.
